Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

Disclaimer: This is a rant, and it will be very opinionated. If you disagree, I respect that. But don't disrespect me by saying my opinion isn't valid, or I will be forced to delete your comment. If you agree, fantastic, I respect that too. Much love.

I will begin by saying it straight out: I am not Christian. I do not believe in Jesus. If you do, good for you and I hope that your faith will get you through the harder times in life. But I am not you. I consider myself a spiritual agnostic. Don't try to search it or look it up on Wikipedia. I made it up, and it covers my beliefs pretty well.

Note: apparently others have thought of it, though their concept of spiritual agnosticism is different than my own

However, I do celebrate Christmas. I love Christmas. It is, without contest, my favourite holiday. It's not the gifts, or the spending money, or the unwrapping of whatever interesting or unique knick-knacks I may receive. It's not even Santa Claus, elves, and all the other fairy tale stuff that makes it magical. It's the family time.

Every Christmas, I spend the day with my parents. Every year, even when I was not living with them, on December the 25th, I would go over to their house and spend the day there. Sometimes my paternal grandmother would be there, sometimes not. Sometimes my aunt on my dad's side would be there, sometimes not. But my parents were ALWAYS there.

Every Boxing Day, I spend the day with my extended family on my mom's side. All 23-or-so of us cram ourselves into whichever house is volunteered for it and spend the day together. We open gifts, we talk amongst each other, we eat. If I didn't go one year, I'm pretty sure my maternal grandmother would whoop my ass, and I would stand there and take it.

But lately, as many of you may have heard, it is no longer 'correct' to say Merry Christmas. Because god help us if we say Merry Christmas to someone of the Jewish, Islamic, Pagan, etc faith. It's an attack on their faith.

I'm sorry, but if I celebrate Christmas, I will be saying Merry Christmas. If I celebrated Hannukah, or Kwanzaa, or Yule, I would expect that people would not be offended by wishing them a joyous Hannukah, or Kwanzaa, or Yule. If you get offended by people who say Merry Christmas, you are insecure in your own faith.

Getting offended at someone wishing you a happy holiday that you do not celebrate is like getting offended when someone asks you if someone of the same gender (if you're straight) or different gender (if you're gay) is attractive. If you can't say that someone else is attractive without being uncomfortable and offended, then you are not secure in your sexuality. Just admit it.

I will say it again, I am not Christian. I celebrate Christmas for what it means to me. I am also gay, but I can tell others that I find men attractive, even if I would never attempt to bed or try to attract one. I am secure in my faith and spirituality as I am secure in my sexuality.

If you say Happy Hannukah to me, I will assume that it is your religion and your holiday that you are following, and I will say Happy Hannukah back to you. Because I respect your choice in religion and holiday.

If you say Happy Kwanzaa to me, I will assume that it is your religion and your holiday that you are following, and I will say Happy Kwanzaa back to you. Because I respect your choice in religion and holiday.

If I say Merry Christmas to you, just say it back. Or reply with the holiday of your personal choice. (example: I say "Merry Christmas" you reply "Happy Hannukah" back. It's not challenging.) I am wishing you well in the festive season and holiday of my choice, and trying to show a level of respect in myself. If you don't respect my choice, then don't say anything back. Don't be snarky, that's just disrespectful and rude.

Saying Happy Holidays, however 'all encompassing' is insulting to me.

1. First of all, you are releasing your own conviction and system of beliefs for fear of insulting or offending people. No matter what you do in life, people will be offended at it. There's nothing you can do about it. Just be yourself and those who respect truth and honesty with come to you.
2. Secondly, most people don't celebrate "holidays" they celebrate Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Yule/etc. Generalizing is discrimination and prejudice. If you don't believe it, start generalizing about a group of people and see if they appreciate it.
3. Thirdly, and finally, most of the 'holiday season' holidays do not overlap. Occasionally they do, but for the most part they are stand-alone. (example: Hannukah started on December 1 and ended December 9, Kwanzaa December 26 til January 1, Yule December 21 in the northern hemisphere and June 21 in the southern hemisphere.) Not even close!

Also, the song is "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year." Do you want to change a Christmas carol to "We wish you a Happy Holidays and a happy New Year"? I'd be pretty peeved personally.

It is a holiday season, but my holiday is Christmas. If you want me to respect your choices and your beliefs, then show some to me. Because I have nothing against other religions or holidays. Just because they are not my choice does not make them invalid to me.

Open your heart and accept the love that people are trying to share with you.

Peace and serenity,

Simply Me

Inspiration

Finding your own inspiration is easier than you may think. for me, I can do one of the following for inspiration.

For inspiration to write non-fiction
I may read acticles or other informative sources on the subject of interest.
I may think of a topic to write about, and then just write out my opinion of the subject.

These two things give me a concrete starting point and open the door to add more information as it comes up.

For inspiration to write fiction
I may read a novel (or three) from the genre I want to write about

For the novel I started for NaNoWriMo, I was reading Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series. It is a very different and unique perspective on the fantasy genre and it really piqued my interest

I may listen to upbeat music

A lot of people can listen to music with no lyrics to hype up ttheir creative energy. Personally, I can't focus on anything to 98% of wordless music. I'll just play anything upbeat. My playlist right now includes Glee, Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga, and many many others. It keeps my mind active and since I only listen to it passively the lyrics don't end up in my work.

This works with some non-fiction as well, but it depends more on the subject.

For other important things that involve action

Usually I really have to think of what I call a "consequence worksheet." This is rarely actually a 'worksheet' in that it is usually in my head and not written down or typed up. I will pick an action that I want to do, for example: yoga, and I work out the positive and negative repercussions of completing or not completing the action.
I have only begun doing this consciously recently and I am still experimenting with following through on optional consequences.

Other things I do to stay inspired

I will write out lists of thoughts and ideas, often giving each individual thought at least two full pages for full expression.
I am trying to meditate and expand my abilities of this skill. I am told it is learnable, so I try it. It does seem to help.
I also will talk to my wife. I will confess that many posts, musings, and rambles are based on conversations that her and I have had that cause the ideas and words to bubble around in my mind until I express them through the written word.

What do you do to inspire yourself? It can be for something as simple as getting up in the morning and eating breakfast. Or something as complex as bringing yourself to start programming a huge computer program. Or anything in between.

What keeps you going when you don't want to do anything?

Peace and serenity,

Simply Me

Things my kid says: Plastic is bad for the environment

Dressed up in hand-me-down clothes, so cute!

In asking my 6 year old daughter on Friday as we were getting ready to go to daycare what she wanted for Christmas, she replied, "I don't know." That in itself was adorable. So I continued and asked her if she wanted new books. "Yes." Was the simple answer I received. Then I asked her if she wanted some new dolls. "No mommy." Curious, as I know she loves dolls, I asked, "Why not? I thought you liked dolls."

To which she replied, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world,

"I do like dolls, but they're made of plastic and that's bad for the environment."





Powerful stuff, I'm very proud of her. I have never once told her that her dolls were cheap plastic from foreign countries, or that they were made of a material that takes tens of thousands of years to decompose.

She recently began learning about materials, and what things are made of. So we were talking about it at home about a week ago, and she asked what plastic was. I told her [paraphrased] that plastic was made of oil and is bad for the environment. I told her that it kills animals if they eat it and that it is taking over the ocean.

She thought on that for a few moments, somberly, and then looked at me and asked, "what is made of plastic?" I told her, many things are made of plastic, and M and I make the choice not to buy them as much as possible.

She seemed content with that.

She put together on her own that her dolls were made of plastic and that she didn't want any new ones.

I am so proud of her. She can form independant thought and deduct information from many sources. I have never lied to her about where things come from, and she understands as much as she can about where her food and clothing comes from. Each time she asks me a question, I provide her an honest, age-appropriate answer.

Some might think that my answers are not age-appropriate, but I think that I know my daughter and her level of understanding better than pretty much everyone else. I know I can be candid and honest with her, and I know that if I take my time to explain new things, she will understand them.

She knows that she can ask me just about anything and I will give her an answer.

That is something I am proud of, and will continue to be proud of.

Peace and serenity,

Simply Me

Monday Musing: Gifts

What does Christmas mean to you? That is what today's musing is all about. I confess, I do celebrate Christian holidays. It's the way I was raised, and my family is centred about them. I believe most of them are Christian, though I'm not sure that they actually go to church... anyways, I digress.

Christmas, to me, is about family. It's about spending time with loved ones and sharing a meal. Full of meaningful discussion, yes. Occasional personal attacks that were not intentioned to be hurtful, absolutely. That is only part of what makes my family so exceptional.

There is one thing that I don't agree with them on, at least as it relates to the Christmas-gift-giving-ness. That is, children under 18 get gifts no matter what. Teens/adults/etc above 18 get something if something happens to catch someone's eye.

Why do I not agree with this? Kids get enough crap. That's why. Children and tweens and teens almost always get more crap/stuff/junk/paraphernalia than they will ever have use for. Most of which is fad-based or advertisement-based.

I will let you in on a secret... I didn't buy any of my younger cousins any gifts this year. I bought a little something for each adult though. Why? Because they are just as important as their children, and yet they are left out year after year in lieu of garbage gifts for their children. (Disclaimer: if any of my family members reads this, not all of the gifts are garbage... but some of them are)

When kids get everything they ask for, and other assorted advertised big name junk... they expect it next time. They don't respect the meaning behind the gifts, or the thought that goes into them.

Now, I may be making my cousins sound like spoiled little brats. They aren't, at least not all the time. Every kid acts like a brat sometimes, and I was no exception. But feeding that attitude will only make it worse. So when you're buying for younger children, you don't have to skimp or give them gifts they won't enjoy just because they're 'eco-friendly'.

But buy something that they will enjoy, something that will force them to want to use their brain but keep them interested at the same time. If you're not sure what that is, talk to them. Ask them what they like. Then ask why they like it, or what kinds of games they can play with it. If it's a doll, ask them how they see that doll and what kinds of scenes can they imagine the doll in.

Dig deeper and you will provide more meaningful gifts.

Handmade cards with thoughtful words in them always help. Cards just get chucked the week after Christmas by most people anyways, put some thought into them and at least the thought will be remembered.

Peace and serenity

Simply Me

Enjoy the Monday Musing series? Here's the rest of the posts:
Gardens
Happy thoughts
Automatic negative reactions
Thanksgiving
Sustainable eating
Contentment
Crutch or reason?
Work

Anger management isn't only for aggressive anger

I have been listening to podcasts about anger management, and recently completed the Anger Survey from whatsgoodaboutanger.com, and it turns out that I have a serious anger problem.

You wouldn’t think it looking at me on a regular day. I don’t snap at people, and I rarely yell or raise my voice. Instead, I tend towards the covert and internal forms of processing anger. I take it out on myself, often, and I can also be (very) passive-aggressive. Sometimes I will do something passive-aggressive and not even realize it because it has become so second nature to me.

I tend to withdraw, pretty badly, when someone does or says something that upsets me. This, at least in part, is because I never learned how to properly process my negative and unproductive emotions and for many years just pushed them aside and pretended they didn’t exist. This is not effective, and now that I am becoming more self-confident the negativity is coming out more and more often.

The anger and negativity just comes up so slowly that I can rarely catch it, and often don’t realize that I am angry until I am almost fuming. In the podcasts I have been listening to, it seems that there are many types of anger.

There is righteous anger, in which an angry and assertive response is not only appropriate, it’s the best (or one of the best) way to resolve that issue. Anger is a natural response to unjust and unfair occurrences, and when it is kept under control can be very helpful. When someone does something wrong, it's very normal and natural to react with immediate feelings of anger. When this happens, you don't want to fly off the handle or make a cruel or hurtful remark, because that won't fix or help anything. Take a moment, maybe a few, to collect your thoughts to determine why you got angry. Then express your sentiments based on facts and personal opinion.

Example: I'm feel hurt that you forgot to meet me for lunch, it really made me feel unimportant. Do you think next time you could give me a call or text message to let me know you might be late?

This expresses your feelings of hurt, betrayal, resentment and insecurity in a calm and easy to understand manner. There are no ways to deny that what happened made you feel a certain way, so using statements based on feelings is a good way to express your hurt without attacking the other person.

I have such a hard time expressing my emotions because it does take me a while to fully process and understand them. Often I will just internalize any hurt feelings and pretend that nothing is wrong. All the while, a violent tempest swirls and grows inside my mind and my heart. I take it out on people who don't deserve it, while those who do deserve it get away with everything. It's frustrating for all involves, apart from those who ticked me off in the first place.

How do you handle your anger? Do you bottle it up, let it slowly leak out towards others, or do you tend to blow up? Or do you actually manage to control your anger to the point that it helps you resolve your issues?

Peace and serenity,

Simply Me