Random acts of kindness

What is the simplest way to brighten someone’s day, along with your own? Do something nice for a stranger. Or a friend. Or even the cashier at the grocery store or fast food restaurant that you frequent.

Complete a random act of kindness. These acts, contrary to popular belief, do not require the use of copious amounts of cash, if any. They can be as simple as helping someone carry their bag/books, opening the door for the person walking behind you, or sharing some homemade cookies/treats.

Nothing says ‘I think you’re important’ like a homemade cookie. Bring in an extra dozen and share them with your coworkers.

There isn’t much nicer to me when I’m walking through a building and someone who is going through the door stops and holds it open for me. They don’t know me, they have no real reason to do so, but they do it anyways. Random act of kindness.

To those who receive a random act of kindness, always always always say thank you! It is incredibly rude to not voice appreciation when someone does something nice for you. Whether you asked for it or not is irrelevant, spread the good cheer and thank them.

Maybe you’ll even pay it forward! Spread the joy from one person to the next by passing on good deeds to those around you.

Smile at strangers.

If someone drops something, on the sidewalk, bus, road, in a car, etc, tell them. You could even pick it up and hand it to them.

Let others know when they have dirt/food/newspaper smudges/lipstick on their face/teeth, because chances are they don’t know about it!

Think of things that you would like others to do for you, and start doing them for others! Positivity starts within, and so does kindness.

Memories

How do you qualify and quantify your memories? Are they in physical objects, such as photos, knick-knacks, old artwork or books?

Focusing on objects of memorabilia, do they bring back pleasant or happy memories? An object that you have in your home should remind you of happiness or at least bring a smile to your face. If it isn’t, it’s time to figure out why you’re still holding onto it.

Negative Memories

Is it guilt over a failed relationship? We’ve all been there, trying to hold onto a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, that just didn’t work despite everything. Don’t hold onto your pain, tell yourself that it’s alright, and let it go.

Do you feel obligated to hold onto it, because it’s from family or a friend, and you don’t want to (or are afraid to) tell them why it’s gone if they ask? If someone truly cares about you and your emotional wellbeing, they probably won’t notice (unless it’s something big) and if they do, they will surely understand. Take the time to talk to people, if you are getting rid of it, explain why or at least tell them that you are passing it on to the less fortunate by donating it. Very few people take offense to the thought that their gift will be enjoyed by more than one person.

No matter the reason that you hold onto these negative or neutral memories, any memory that you are keeping in the form of a physical object should be cherished and appreciated. The objects in your home should represent the love and happiness that you want to surround you.

If you want to rehash the past because you think it will ease your mind, do it! Don’t spend your time planning words that you won’t say. Start slow and use “I” statements. If you want to do this, start with something more recent and probably less painful. Something that was hurtful or negative that you want to resolve before it starts to fester.

Before you approach the source of the negativity, try to rationalize your thoughts and get them in order. Think through what you want to say and how you want to say it. Sort out your thoughts and emotions and write them down. When your words and thoughts are organized, it will be easier to think clearly and express yourself. Then open with an “I” statement:

• I feel that your words were/are harsh and hurtful
• I didn’t like how you spoke of

Don’t put bias or judgment in your words, that will only cause hostility and anger and that won’t help to ease your own personal painful memory. Just express the way that you felt/feel and how it affected you without putting any blame on them. It may have been their fault, but accusing them will not make anything better.

Positive Memories

Do you have photos and trinkets around that remind you of positive and happy memories? Sources of good memories can often make or break how you feel about yourself. If you have a lot of reminder of the good things in your life, then when a sadness or depression strikes you will have the power and the tools in your environment to fight it and bounce back easily.

Are there some pieces of memorabilia that you would like to showcase more? Go through what you have out right now and reassess how it makes you feel. Does any of it cause you to feel resentment or frustration? If you have a negative reaction to something you have presented, get rid of it! You don’t deserve to have something in open sight that causes you mental or psychological distress. Surround yourself with the most powerful memories possible and reap the psychological benefits.

Getting rid of weak or negative memories

When going through your possessions, you will likely come across an item that brings back a negative memory. Decide what you are going to do about it. Are you going to hold onto it, or get rid of it? Are you ready to release the memory and the accompanying emotions?
If you plan on keeping it, are you going to put it in the open so that visitors may see it and ask about it, or will you put it away so that you don’t have to look at it? Putting it away will only cause you to push the emotional response from that item down and may cause undue stress, so if you do that I would recommend making a note to yourself to revisit it when you have thought it through and may be in a better position to deal with the item and its accompanying memories.

Having memories surrounding you with good times and pleasant thoughts is always a good thing, but remember to live in the present and not to dwell too much on what has passed. Life is for the living, so remember to experience it while it’s here, and create new happy memories.

Peace and serenity,

Simply Me

Outlook on outlooks

Despite changes in life, some things maintain a level of continuity. They are things that one can always depend on to remain the same. Eaach person needs to identify such things in their lives and determine how they can benefit from these things.

A single positive (or negative) childhood memory of a small item or situation can have serious and huge effects on how someone will react or treat that item or situation.

The routine of your family sitting together by a big window and watching the lightning during thunderstorms will create a different emotional response in your adult self than the routine of hiding in individual rooms, bedrooms or the basement, and trying to shelter yourself from the thunder. One with warm family memories will enjoy the sight and sound of the storm. Where one with solitary, fearful memories will feel anxious and panic  and try to hide. Both are unique reactions to a consistent occurence.

There will always be thunderstorms in life, be they literal or emotional. Each persons reaction will be different. Don't think of why someone is different than you, think instead of what lead you to your own reaction, and what may have led them to theirs.

Seek to understand, only then can you accept. Trying to change the way someone feels rarely, if ever, ends successfully. If you try to understand the reasoning behind your own reactions, and theirs, instead, cooperation is more easily accomplished. Then a middle ground can be found, if necessary.

Monday Musing: Happy thoughts

Sometime this past weekend, the issue of labeling others as "gay-haters" (in this particular incident) simply because they did not do what was wanted of them came across to me as it's own form of discrimination. How can people of a minority (gays, coloured people, blind/deaf, etc) base the opinions of others on something so small? How can one say that they don't treat everyone like that, and the person of minority is assuming that it's simply with them that there is a problem?

Discrimination takes many forms, you need to think positively to affect positive change. If you automatically assume that whoever has done you a wrong is discriminating against you, then you are discriminating against yourself, because it means that you feel that something about you is worthy of being treated as less.

Take charge, tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with you. Because there isn't. You are all beautiful, wonderful, perfectly unique people. And people are not all the same. So rejoice in your differences, for they make you, you.

Peace and love,

Simply Me

Enjoy my Monday Musing series? Here is a list of the other posts from this series:
Gardens
Automatic negative reactions
Thanksgiving
Sustainable eating
Contentment
Crutch or Reason?