Ebb and flow - Emotions that are not under control

When you feel unable to focus on the things right in front of you, what do you do? I have been suffering this question a lot lately. I have this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness that just doesn't go away for longer than a few days. I feel lost and confused at my own thoughts and emotions, and don't have a starting point to go by to start stepping out of this.

I feel isolated despite being around many people throughout the day. I know that most of them even care about me to an extent. Processing negative emotions has always been a challenge for me, and I think the main reason I recede into isolation and hopelessness is because I'm avoiding these negative emotions.

I need to find a way to express myself, but don't know where to start.

Things starting feeling habit and routine, and I start to crave spontaneity despite the recklessness that I know it brings.

I lose the will to eat, or I find myself eating too much.

I lose the will to read, or I find myself reading more than paying attention to my wife and daughter.

I lose the will to knit/crochet, or I find myself burying into it as an escape from what's around me.

The worst of it is, I don't realize that I'm doing it until those around me have been hurt and pushed away by my actions.

Baby steps is the way to go, but I don't know which baby steps to start with.

Any advice?

Peace and serenity,

Simply Me

4 comments:

Squish said...

It could easily be S.A.D.
The UV light may work wonders for you.

Simply Green said...

Unfortunately and fortunately it's not SAD. I'm getting some UV therapy and it's not working as of yet. Thank you for suggesting that, a lot of people don't know the importance of UV light. :)

Denise said...

I've been depressed for a while now, and what you're describing sounds almost exactly like how I feel sometimes. I've been seeing a therapist, and what I work on is making sure my thoughts about myself are really fair, and can factually be backed up, because feelings come from the thoughts we have.

So, if I feel lonely or outcast, I try to think what led me to that. Plans got canceled, I was lonely and no one I wanted a hug from was around, I called someone to talk and they didn't answer.

Then, I see if the thought that come from that are fair to me. I tend to think things like, no one wants to be around me, that's why no one is here. I am not any fun, which is why people cancel plans, I'm obviously not doing the right thing right now (in my job, schooling, life in general) if my emotional needs aren't being met...

Well, are those thoughts fair to me? No. They are over exaggerations of reality. So, the next thing I have to do is find a rational thought to replace the irrational one. People cancel plans, I cancel plans, and stuff comes up. If they really didn't like me or want to see me they wouldn't have even bothered to call and let me know. Respect, they are showing it by informing me.

It's all about looking at things from a separate, logical angle. This isn't always easy, obviously. When I am sitting on the floor crying about whatever it's really hard to pull myself out of it and look at things differently, but if I notice things going sour before they get past the point of no return it's easier.

Simply Green said...

Denise, thank you so much for this. I appreciate the breakdown of how you process your own thoughts. I hope that everything is well with you, and I am trying to use your ideas as well as a few of my own. Taking a step back is the hardest thing to do when you're experiencing irrational and extreme emotions though, that is for sure.